I Love You More Than Pineapples and Kit Kats
by TheLaikynVictoria
Summary: Juliet, however, just sat there, in the chair in the front row, holding the flag in her lap and thinking, 'this is happening. He's really gone.' NO SLASH. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. You've been warned.


_**A/N-Hey! A new oneshot! (Jane, I know I said I was writing a TOTALLY different one, but then THIS inspiration struck!)  
>I hope you enjoy it, and PLEASE review!<strong>_

_**ALSO. I'm having a small contest through my facebook page! :)**_  
><em><strong>Go to:<strong>_  
><em><strong>facebook.c0mlaikynp**_  
><em><strong>(replace 'c0m' with 'com')<strong>_  
><em><strong>To learn more! :)<strong>_

_**This is a partial-song fic, as I use the first verse of the song "Closer To Love' by Mat Kearney. I claim no ownership of this song, 'Psych' or anything within. Just the storyline. :) **_

* * *

><p><strong>She got the call today, one out of the gray<strong>

Juliet was awoken in the middle of the night to her phone ringing. She reached blindly to her side table and felt around for it until her hand landed on the device.

"O'Hara." She answered, limply holding the phone to her ear.

"Juliet." She immediately sat up at Lassiter using her first name. (Not to mention the tone of voice he had)

"What is it, Lassiter?" She asked, feeling her heart race.

"There's been an accident." He told her. "On the 166." He paused,

"it's Shawn."

"Carlton..No." Juliet could feel herself starting to hyperventilate, but she forced herself to calm down as she started getting dressed. "Is...Is he alright?"  
>Silence met her question.<p>

**And when the smoke cleared, it took her breath away**

Juliet got the wreck site in a record time, opening the door before she even came to a complete stop.

"Carlton!" She called out, trying to see through the throng of police, firemen and paramedics. "Lassiter!"

The aforementioned made his way through the crowd to Juliet, and put his hands on her shoulders, regarding her cautiously.

"Where is?" She demanded, trying to peer over his shoulder. "Is he okay?"

"O'Hara, he.." Lassiter sighed. "The driver was drunk. They swerved into his lane, and he tried to get out of the way, but he was pinned underneath the car."

"And?" She asked. "He should be fine! Th-they could just use the Jaws of Life and get him out!"

"O'Har-"

"Where is he!" She yelled, nearly stomping her foot. "I need to see him!"

"They're getting him out now." He told her. "But O'Hara, you need to listen to me, he-"

"He's what?" She yelled, glaring up at him. "What _is_ he, Carlton?"

"He's dead, O'Hara!" He gripped her shoulders tighter and stared into her eyes, trying to break her out of the shocked trance. "He. Is. Gone."  
>It suddenly felt like all the air left her body, then, as she tried to comprehend what he'd told her. Choosing to deny it, she started shaking her head.<p>

"No, it's not true." She stated. "It's not true. It can't be."

"Juliet, it is true." Lassiter stated, though she didn't hear him. She pushed past him and ran toward the wreckage, not seeing much until she got to the front of the crowd. The site took her breath away in the worst way possible.

A blue SUV was turned on it's side, smoke billowing upwards from the engine. What use to be a motorcycle laid, mangled, next to it. Juliet almost didn't  
>see Shawn at first, as she was too busy trying to process the scene in front of her.<br>Then she saw him. He really _was_ pinned under the vehicle. He was lying underneath the driver's door, only visible from his lower chest up. His head was turned toward her, and she saw his face.  
>His wonderful, handsome face.<br>His eyes were open, and that freaked her out. If he was dead, why were his eyes open? Even in the dark, she could see the vacant green globes that used to be so full of life. He had blood running down his forehead, making her wonder where his helmet was. Shawn _never_ rode without his helmet, she made sure of that. She scanned the ground quickly, to see that the helmet must have been thrown from his head, as it was lying about 10 feet away, nearly into the grass off the side of the road.

She started toward the car slowly, her breathing slowly becoming more and more quick. Firemen were working at getting the car off of him, but it was obvious that they were have difficulties.  
>Once she reached Shawn, she knelt to the ground and slowly reached her hand to touch his face.<p>

"Oh, Shawn." She whispered. She reached a shaking hand to his eyes to shut them, unable to stand seeing them staring at her. "Why'd this have to happen to you?"

"Detective O'Hara?"

Juliet looked up to see Buzz,

"McNab." She said softly, looking back down at Shawn. "He's...He's dead."

"I know." He replied gently, reaching down to help her up. "They're gonna get him out, now, so...You need to move, okay?"

"Buzz, he's gone." She whispered, slowly allowing herself to be lifted from the ground. "He's dead."

"I know." Buzz said, again, setting her steady on her feet. "Come on. Let's go."  
>Suddenly, Juliet yanked her arms away from him, anger flashing in her eyes.<p>

"This isn't fair!" She yelled at him. "This...It's not right! He didn't deserve this! _I_ don't deserve this!"

"Detective-"

"Don't 'detective' me!" She yelled, storming away from the wreckage and loud buzzing of the Jaws of Life that had just been started. She scanned the crowd for Lassiter, and found him trying to fend off reporters.

"Carlton!" He looked up at her, seeing the all-familiar anger. He mentally prepared himself and went toward her.

"O'Hara, you need to come with me." He stated, grabbing her arm gently and leading her away from the crowd of people, toward his car.

"Carlton, this doesn't make sense!" She yelled, ripping her arm away from Lassiter just as she had with Buzz moments ago. "Why? Tell me why, Lassiter, because it's not adding up!"  
>She continued yelling at him as he forced her into the passenger seat. He got behind the wheel, staying silent as she continued ranting. After they'd been driving a few minutes, she gradually started to calm down, only to start crying.<p>

"It's not fair. It's not fair, Carlton." She cried, placing a hand over her mouth and shutting her eyes. Tears fell down her cheeks and Lassiter merely let her cry as they drove along, finally coming to a stop outside of her apartment. He wordlessly got out and went around and opened the passenger side door. He knelt down beside her,  
>"O'Hara." He said softly. "It's not fair. It really isn't. But there's nothing we can do to change it."<p>

"He's my fiance, Lassiter!" She cried. "We were supposed to be married next week!"

"I know." He helped her out of the car, physically supporting her, as she would probably fall over if he didn't.

"Why did this have to happen?" She cried, leaning her head on Lassiter's shoulder as they made their way into her apartment. "Why couldn't it have been someone else?"

"O'Hara..." Lassiter said softly.

"I know, I know," She muttered, sniffing. "But it's just not fair..."

Lassiter helped her upstairs and into her apartment, leading her to the couch and helping her lie down.

"O'Hara, just lay down." He told her. "Sleep. You must be tired."

"I can't sleep, Carlton!" She exclaimed, propping herself up on her elbow. "M-My fiance is...Is dead," she spat the word hard with difficulty, "how am I supposed to sleep?"

"Just sleep." He told her, sitting down in the arm chair.

Despite her earlier protests, Juliet _was_ asleep within minutes. Deciding that since she was asleep, he would be alright to leave for awhile. He grabbed a folded afghan on the armrest of the couch and laid it over her, then headed out to the forever-dreaded task of telling a father that his son was dead.

**She said she couldn't believe, that it could happen to me**

Juliet awoke a few hours later to the sun peaking in through the closed blinds. She blinked and attempted to fully wake up. After a few moments, she sat up. Had it all just been a dream? Some horrible, horrible nightmare? She rose and went into the bathroom and gasped at the sight of herself in the mirror. The red eyes, and the mascara running down her cheeks told her that it hadn't been a nightmare.

That it was all true.

"Oh, God, no..." She leaned against the wall of the bathroom and slid to the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest. "Please, I'll do anything, just give him back. This isn't fair. Please, don't let him be gone."

She wasn't sure if she was praying to God, or just talking out loud. Either way, she continued talking,

"just give him back to me, please!" Tears fell down her cheeks, but she made no effort to wipe them away. "I'll do anything, just please..."

She sat there for a while, not sure exactly what to do. Should she go to Henry's and help him plan the funeral? She wasn't married to him yet, so technically, Henry still had the responsibility of doing all of the funeral plans.

She wasn't sure what time it was when she heard a knock at her door. It took every ounce of strength she had to get up from the bathroom floor. She suddenly felt so tired and fatigued, even though she'd just woken up. She opened the door to find Henry. He looked like he hadn't slept all night, and it was evident that he had been crying, though Juliet would never say so.

"Henry." She said softly.

"Juliet." He countered, equally soft. She said nothing and motioned him inside. He stepped in and awkwardly stood in the entryway before being ushered into the living room by Jules.

"Um," she started, sitting down on the couch while he sat in the armchair that Lassiter had occupied the night before, "w-what can I do for you?"

"I figured you might want help with the..." Henry coughed and looked at his hands. "Help with the funeral."  
>Juliet felt a fresh batch of tears well up in her eyes,<p>

"I can't believe this is happening." She exhaled slowly, then looked up at Henry. "Did you claim his-"

"Yes." Henry interrupted, not particularly wanting to hear Shawn spoken of in that sense, even if he_ was _dead. "I did that a few hours ago."

"Have you slept at all since last night?" She asked him, and he shook his head. "Well you should. I can start on the plans, and you can go home and get some rest."

"Juliet-"

"It's okay." She interrupted this time. "I can do it."

* * *

><p>Juliet stood in front of her full length mirror that hung on the back of her bathroom door. She wore a simple black dress that went to right at her knee and had a modest neckline. She also wore a simple pearl necklace, a pair of earrings that Shawn had just gotten her for her birthday three weeks prior, and of course, the engagement ring that has been on her finger for the past seven months. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, held in place by a black clip. He bangs were also pulled back, held in place by two bobby-pins.<p>

Basically, she was wearing an outfit that took the least amount of effort possible to put together.

It had been four days since Shawn died, and slowly, Juliet had found herself coming undone. She started to become more and more depressed, and began to start _feeling_ less and less as the days wore on. By the time she was leaving for Shawn's funeral, she almost felt nothing at all. She was numb, save for the gnawing in her gut. It's almost like reality is still barely there, telling her, _'you can't escape me'._

An hour later, she was sitting in the front row of funeral attendees, between Henry and Gus. They were outside, at the burial site, under a large tent. The outcome of attendees surprised Juliet. She knew that Shawn had made a lot of friends along the way, but never had she imagined as many as there were. Hundreds upon hundreds showed up to pay their respects, to tell Henry and Juliet and Gus how much Shawn had meant to them and touched them.

Now, as the officiator spoke of Shawn and his life accomplishments, Juliet couldn't help but think about the fact that...It was sunny outside. All the books and movies always have the cliche of it raining at funerals, and how it was 'fitting'.  
>But Juliet now sat there, staring into the sky and feeling the sun on her face and thinking that <em>this<em>, the sun, was fitting for Shawn. Shawn _was_ sunshine, and happiness. So rarely did he ever get sad or angry or stressed. He was just the epitome of life, and the sun was fitting for his funeral; For the celebration of his life.  
>And in that moment, the moment of staring into the sky and feeling the rays of sun warm her skin, the moment of remembering everything Shawn was, it hit her:<br>Shawn was gone, and denying it, or trying to bargain with God, fate or the world, or being angry or depressed was _not_ going to bring him back. Shawn _was_ life, and he was love, and he would not want her to live her life in this slump just because he wasn't there.

As the service began to near the end, Henry rose and joined Lassiter and Buzz about 40 feet away from the crowd of people. They all wore formal police uniforms, and carried rifles. As they formed a straight horizontal line, Juliet smiled. Chief had insisted on giving Shawn a full police funeral, with all the honors.

Silence fell over the crowd as the three raised their guns, and fired simultaneously. Since this was a police honors funeral, and not military, it would a '3-Volley Salute'. The officers performing the drill would fire three shots, consecutively, as opposed to a 21-Gun Salute. They finished, and then brought the guns down, their heads bowed. Juliet thought she saw tears glistening in Henry's eyes, but she could just be hindered by the ones in her own.

Before she knew it, Buzz and Lassiter were performing the flag folding ceremony as Henry recited the speech that went along with each fold. The twelfth fold was completed and Henry inspected it, then gently took it from Lassiter's hands.

Juliet had assumed that Henry would take the flag, but she was shocked when he knelt in front of her.

"Juliet, my son loved you." He whispered. "And he would want you to have this."

"Henry..." She whispered, shaking her head. "I don't..I don't know if I can..."

"As far as I am concerned, you are my daughter." He whispered back. "And _I_ want you to take it."

Juliet reached over and took the folded flag from him, whispering a 'thank you'. The ceremony ended and people started milling about, some making their way to their cars to attend the wake at Henry's house, others staying to chat.

Juliet, however, just sat there, in the chair in the front row, holding the flag in her lap and thinking, _'this is happening. He's really gone.'_

**I guess we're all one phone call from our knees**

The following Friday proved to be a tough day for Jules. She refused to stay in bed and sulk like she wanted to, telling herself that Shawn would not and would never approve of that. So she got up and she got dressed, feeling a little sluggish but pushing on anyway. She passed by her closet multiple times, catching glimpses of the pristine white gown. A few hours later, after having went grocery shopping and stopping by the station to let Chief Vick know she'd be returning to work the following monday, she stood in front of her closet staring at the wedding dress. The one that she would have been wearing at this very moment had Shawn not been killed in the stupid accident.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was stepping into the gown, and then struggling to button the small buttons that ran up the back. Finally, it was on and she was looking at herself in the mirror, trying to imagine Shawn standing next to her, wearing the all-white tuxedo he had insisted on wearing, instead of tradition black. (_"You know I don't follow trends, Jules!")_

She was imagining what her wedding would have been like, and how amazing everything would have been, when her cell phone started ringing. She walked to the coffee table and grabbed it, looking at the caller ID. It was blocked, so she answered with her standard,

"O'Hara."

"This is a pre-recorded message," a mechanical female voice told her "left for you by..." There was a pause, a small click, and then, "Shawn." Juliet nearly cried out loud at hearing his voice. There was another small click, and then Shawn started talking again on the recording.

"Hey, Jules. If you're listening to this, that must mean that I'm gone. I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry for leaving you, I really am. I love you more than anything in the world. Ever. Even pineapples and Kit Kats, that's how awesome you are." Jules laughed, wiping a stray tear away.

"I need to tell you, Jules, that you mean everything to me." He continued. "Last night, you accepted my offer of marriage. We're engaged, and I couldn't be happier. I am so sorry for leaving you. It's not what I wanted, I promise. But listen to me, okay Jules? It's not fair that I'm gone, it's not. But you need to understand that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason I stayed in Santa Barbara what, nine years ago, now? There was a reason I hated seeing you going on random dates with guys who meant nothing. There was a reason I sold my motorcycle." He took a deep breath. "_You_ are that reason, Juliet." He stated. "You are the reason I wanted to completely forget about my old outlook on life. You are the reason I started thinking about giving my dad grandkids one day." Juliet had full-on started crying now, and had dropped to her knees, the gown billowing around her.

"Jules, I also need to tell you something." He said softly. "I...I'm not really a psychic. I have an eidetic memory and my dad is a torture master who locked me in the trunk of a car when I was 10 and called it survival training. Granted, it did come in handy, but it's neither here nor there...Especially when a social worker showed up to follow up on a tip from a concerned neighbor."  
>Juliet laughed out loud, now.<p>

"Basically, Jules, I just want you to know that I love you." He sighed. "I want you to keep going on with life, and don't dwell on things. I mean, yeah, don't like, forget about me, but don't be the grieving widow who waits for her lover in the lighthouse every night. I don't want you to waste your life away on me, Jules. I want you to live your life as good and as full as possible."

"I will, Shawn." She whispered.

"I love you, Jules."

"I love you, too, Shawn."


End file.
